drunk-on-writing:

first
it was dark
kissing at a movie theater is always strange
because part of you wants your attention focused on this person beside you
while another part of you wants to pay attention to someone else 
i remember being taken by surprise
not seeing it coming – literally and figuratively 
i remember he kept kissing me
but i don’t remember if i kept kissing him 
i remember blaming myself for somehow initiating it
maybe i lead him on
maybe i shouldn’t have kissed his cheek
maybe i shouldn’t have leaned against him
i remember the panic of not knowing what would happen when we went back to school on monday

best
being separated by distance and miles 
and knowing that the wait was over
made me feel like i was floating
i remember seeing you for the first time
and i suddenly felt anchored 
i remember i was shivering
because i was cold? because i was nervous? because i was excited? 
i don’t know
but i remember being in your arms felt warm
and safe
i remember you asking me 
“can i kiss you?”
and those words played on repeat in my mind for days on end
every night when i went to sleep
i’d close my eyes and feel your hands on my face
pulling me in
i remember time slowed down
and the world stopped spinning
and i don’t remember breathing
but i never felt more alive

worst
the details are fuzzy and so was my vision
blinded by tears, unable to stop crying
only one of us wanted to say goodbye 
i remember asking you
and wanting to laugh at the irony
of how we someone came full circle
from our first
i remember tasting my own tears cascading down my cheeks
more than i could taste you
i remember we began to part, but my lips still clung to yours
not ready for us to go our separate ways
i remember silently begging you, ”just one more kiss”
not ready for it to be our last kiss

last
the clock had struck midnight
a new year had begun
the yard was covered in confetti 
loud party horns were being sounded off key
i remember waiting for everyone to go inside, so we were alone
because i knew you wouldn’t want an audience
i remember how hard we laughed afterwards 
i remember your lipstick staining my chin 
i remember feeling light
giddy
like i could fly
and you were the one to give me the wings

“kisses” – inspired by neil hilborn
7/30
(cc, 2018)